Biz Tips: Jeff Sessions Resigning As U.S. Attorney General Over ‘Health Issues’ Is Satirical News

Biz Tips: Jeff Sessions Resigning As U.S. Attorney General Over ‘Health Issues’ Is Satirical News

Biz Tip:

Jeff Sessions Resigning As U.S. Attorney General Over ‘Health Issues’ Is Satirical News

Photo Credit: U.S. Customs and Border Protection

Jeff Sessions resigning as U.S. Attorney General over “health issues” is satirical news. There is no truth to a report that the attorney general would be stepping down from his position as the result of “health issues. Sessions has been the subject of many fake news, tweets, photographs and memes in the past. This is just another one in a long list of them.

Where did this satirical news originate? America’s Last Line of Defense published the satirical news on June 8, 2018, reporting that

Jeff Sessions told his private therapist that since accepting the nomination for Attorney General, his life has been turned upside-down. According to a clip being circulated on the Dark web, Jeff Sessions is angry, depressed and nearly suicidal:

“I haven’t slept in months. That orange asshole haunts my every f*cking moment”
“I can’t live like this anymore. Today someone sent a fake lawsuit from the Keebler Elves for copyright infringement. I sent it to my lawyer and the f*cking Washington Post ended up with it. I’m just done.”

“I’m lucky if I live out this f*cker’s term. I need to resign.”

Those are the three statements made by Sessions that you can hear clearly on the recording. (Log in with your Tor browser and got to elfuckedup.dark.net to hear it.) The full recording is being auctioned to the highest bidder, which as of now is at $570K. Experts expect it to top $2.5 million.

However, there is no truth to the above story. What is wrong with the above story? Of course, there is no legitimate news coverage of such a story that Sessions was announcing that he was resigning. Additionally, it is clear from the text of the story that it is humorous in nature with the mention of a fake lawsuit from the Keebler Elves for copyright infringement.

Finally, The Last Line of Defense carries the following disclaimer on its website:

DISCLAIMER: America’s Last Line of Defense is a satirical publication that may sometimes appear to be telling the truth. We assure you that’s not the case. We present fiction as fact and our sources don’t actually exist. Names that represent actual people and places are purely coincidental and all images should be considered altered and do not in any way depict reality.

In other words, if you believe this crap you’re a real dumbass.

President Donald Trump once again suggested that he wishes he had chosen someone other than Sessions, who enraged the President when he recused himself from the Russia investigation. CNN reported that Trump has frequently criticized Sessions over his recusal, which paved the way for Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein to appoint special counsel Robert Mueller to investigate Russian meddling in the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

What did you think of the satirical news that Sessions was resigning as U.S. Attorney General over “health issues”? Did you believe the satirical news or see people sharing it falsely on social media? Let us know in the comments section.

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